Bernard O’Shea: Why me and my torch-paper pale skin aren’t going on sun holiday 

Bernard O’Shea: Why me and my torch-paper pale skin aren’t going on sun holiday 

I’m going to go nowhere more often in 2022. My travels in 2021 mainly consisted of drives to supermarket car-parks and back again. At the start of lockdown, when there was the 5k limit, I thought I wouldn’t cope. 

However, I’m one of those weird, maybe ultra-lazy people. I could happily sit in a room for days doing nothing and be not just happy about it but deviously content.

I got used to constant travel as a performer. At one stage in the mid-2000s, I was so familiar with Dublin Airport I could guess who’d be working in the coffee dock beside the gate for Heathrow. I got to know some of the staff by name. 

Every time you’d see the same people in the queue waiting for their percolated elixir of choice. Worn out from overexposure to pre-packed sandwiches.

If someone had said to me back in late 2019, “You won’t be in an airport for at least another three years” or “The next sun holiday you’ll get is 13 and a half minutes on Inch beach sitting on the bonnet of your car”, I wouldn’t have been disappointed.

I like moving; I just don’t like travelling. I get overly anxious in airports, and until I’m at the gate knowing I’m not going to miss my flight, I can’t settle, likewise with train stations. 

The same goes for journeys in the car. I love driving, and I’m slightly obsessed with cars. Still, I’ll literally spend days prior going over directions on Google maps.

So in the spirit of grumpiness, I’ve highlighted three places I’m happy about not having to go to anymore.

The sun holiday

My sisters shot me down when I told them of my dislike of the sun holiday. I know people worship it. I understand the lure. The beach, the big ball of fire in the sky, the wine that always tastes better, plus the safety of knowing that every day is going to be a belter. 

As opposed to the Irish weather, which embodies a teenager in the throes of adolescence. You don’t know what you’re getting from one day to the next, but you can witness moments of pure magic that makes you think, “They like me again”.

I like the sun, but the sun just does not like me. As a family, we have gone on two trips to Spain. We spent most of our time bringing the share price of Ambre Solaire factor 70 up. The kids enjoyed it, but they inherited my pale torch paper skin. 

I lived in constant fear of the backs of their knees getting burnt, and every time they saw me approach, they screamed, “No, Daddy, we have enough on”.

I’ll take Inch Beach any day. I just have to remind myself to bring more blankets and those silver foil ponchos that long-distance runners use to stave off hypothermia.

Restaurants with the kids

I have to be clear here I love going to restaurants but on my own or with adults. I used to despise people with kids in restaurants. Now, I am the parent who puts Netflix on my phone for them. Mainly to stop the row about who’s getting to sit beside Mammy.

I dream of the days when I didn’t have to go to the toilet four times with a five-year-old or eat my

Read More

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.